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Dragonfly Journal

If your life isn't a journey, you're doing it wrong

Month

June 2017

Starfishing

I do not sleep in the middle of my bed.

I sleep on one side only. Even since my divorce, I have slept, by habit, on only one side of my bed, and use the other for my “do it tomorrow” stuff, like rotating the contents of my gym bag, or for my computer after doing a bit of writing, or for my carefully placed, clean laundry (because…clearly, a ten foot walk to the closet for hangers is unreasonable tonight).

In essence, half of my bed is always made.

Tonight, I’m thinking I might like to learn how to “starfish.”

To sleep on all of my bed, just because I can.

Because, for 27 years I have slept in a bed of virtual twin-size.

What am I waiting for? What’s my hold out?

Tonight. It’s mine. All mine.

I shall starfish tonight, even though I usually sleep on my back and motionless, as a mummy.

If nothing else, I’ll sleep as a mummy in the middle of my big ol’ bed.

©6.16.17, Aja Hart

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Faultlines and Fools

I learned as a child that culpability is subjective.

There’s something to be said about the discord of sibling relationships…and how that discord provides one with opportunities to become an individual.

I grew up with many sisters; I was “set up” for some crap by my one of the older ones, and then suffered consequences of the corporal sort when our parents happened upon my situation as it was. What does a 6-year-old say at that moment? “So-and-so did this and left me here to take the blame?” No. It never flew.

As a result, I developed some defense mechanisms over the decades, but mostly, for some wild reason, my modus operandi has remained, in all roles, to trust — to a fault — until the very first time one proved he/she was unworthy of that privilege.

So I’m here. I’ve made choices to trust, and give, and give more, and trust where trust has seemed foolish.

Oh, man, the foolishness.

My choices, my consequences.

My pain.

My growth.

My journey.

I’ve squared my shoulders. I’m doing this.

©6.15.17 Aja Hart

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